Enough is Enough: Are You Suffering from Betterment Burnout?
Reclaim Your Worth in a Culture Obsessed with Self-Improvement.
A few weeks ago, I came across a catchy phrase that grabbed me for a second: a two-word truth bomb in alliterative glory—“Betterment Burnout.”
As it turns out, I’m a prime candidate. Even as someone whose entire career path and philosophical ethos have been fueled by this inner quest to become a better human, I had never actually considered that bouts of fatigue, anxiety, self-doubt, and depression could stem from this incessant drive to improve myself.
It’s a mentality that’s kept my feet in the fire, like a forced march on a bed of coals just to prove that I’m a slightly better, more successful human than I was the day before. Though I try to walk the path of kindness and compassion throughout the day, my nightly mantra becomes a berating sigh of “ Once again, I didn’t get enough done.” I go to bed haunted by all of the things I didn’t accomplish. It’s exhausting.
How many times have you started the year with a list of things you need to change? How many articles have you read on weight loss, eating healthy, being more productive, or a new workout for six-pack abs? Goals are good—taking care of your body is also good. However, how do we ditch the shame tornado that spirals through us every time we miss the mark? When do we stand, chest proud, at the altar of enough and finally say, “I am”?
Betterment Boycott—give yourself a break.
Wherever you go, there you are. It’s hard to take a vacation from yourself when you’re caught in the undertow of perfectionism. Even wellness warriors and spiritual seekers can get a bit intense when the cause seems so righteous. We’re hamsters on the wheel of self-improvement, striving to become superhuman versions of ourselves. There is a point, however, when transformation tires and instead becomes self-destructive.
Five signs that it’s time for a betterment boycott:
Self-doubt undermines whatever action you are about to take.
You are consistently disappointed for not getting more accomplished.
For you, a fear of failure is not the possibility that you will fail altogether, but that you won’t do it absolutely perfectly.
Self-criticism leaves you feeling like you are unable to share something you created.
You quickly jump onto the next goal without even the slightest recognition of your current achievement.
If you won’t do it for yourself, then I’m here to give you wholehearted permission to go on a betterment boycott. Maybe a full-on boycott sounds extreme (I just needed it for the alliteration). After all, we do each need to act in contribution to create a wonderfuller world. I’m just here to say, there are times as individuals when we need to take a break from trying so hard.
The curse of people-pleasing and the pursuit of perfection.
Baptized by fashion magazines and the siren call of social media, we’re indoctrinated in the belief that the greatest assets for success is a woman’s body and her demeanor. The axis of focus gets set on the inside for women raised to behave in a way that keeps her “liked.” It’s innocent enough to peruse the self-help section of the bookstore yet, we show up with the desire to fix something.
There is a mass market built on the notion that who we are and what we have isn’t enough. We’re bombarded with the urgency of change. There is always more to be done, bought, or thought. “Betterment” is the number one commodity among women, from clothes to make-up, podcasts to books. We’re convinced that we should be something more than we are. However, releasing the push for perfect is the greatest pivot.
The Pillars of Radical Self-acceptance:
“The renowned seventh-century Zen master Seng-tsan taught that true freedom is being ‘without anxiety about imperfection.’ This means accepting our human existence and all of life as it is.” —Tara Brach
Long taught by the wisdom traditions of the East, the most powerful path is through self-acceptance. Deep transformation doesn’t come from any alterations we make from the outside in and it doesn’t come from denial or resistance. Instead - it is an allowance of all of our varied thoughts and feelings, without judgment or shame. The very parts of humanness that we may see as dark or ugly are the catalyst for our own understanding. They are the gatekeepers of our inherent truth.
Rest inside yourself: A moment can become very simple, suspending the pressing need to do anything or be anyone. It’s an agreement to slow down and be with the subtle effects of the breath and stillness. Be with your bones, muscles, and organs. Be with your thoughts, feelings, and will. Everything can soften. This becomes a relinquishing experience of full absorption. Even for just a brief second, you feel a sense of completion—a wholeness, an arrival.
You are enough just as you are: As everything sells you on the persistent doubt of enoughness, you forget the path of self-acceptance. You become susceptible to comparison culture, and your desires hinge on the need to be someone other than who you are right now. It may take quieting some inner voices and overcoming the sting of past failures, but claim this belief. If every other affirmation seems too “woo woo” to repeat, tape this one to your mirror: “I am enough.” Protect that truth and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Be fully who you are: One of my biggest shifts toward self-compassion was in a fleeting thought, that there will never be another me. This thought made me tender, emotional, and determined to stop wasting so much time in self-doubt (and still, I struggle). Sure, if I had children there would be someone else with genetic similarities, maybe even mannerisms. Yet, still there would never be another me. So many factors contribute to who we are in our experiences, bodies, personalities, creativities—the mold is broken every time. When we release the scramble to try to become like someone else, our true superpowers come through. The world thrives in uniqueness.
Self-improvement is an easy trap that becomes as much of a distraction as anything else. It might be noble, but it’s wearing and a slow erosion of who we really are. The uber trend for betterment begins a never-ending cycle of discontent. Full of self-criticism and dissatisfaction we suffocate our potential. Do not be fueled by this addiction to always be more. It drains you of the very connection and creativity that you yearn for from life.
This is not a call to ditch all avenues of personal growth, but a reminder to meet flaws and vulnerabilities with compassion, acceptance, and grace. As you let the hazy mirage of perfection fade away, you can live free from any anxiety that who you are is not enough. It’s okay to stop chasing all of the expectations and ideals. Evolve in time with a gentle rhythm of change.
