Ditch anxiety. Your true empowered self starts now.
Use the 'Sphere of Influence' approach to Let Go of things Beyond Your Control.
In our household, we have a mantra for those moments when someone lets the lava of worry overflow. To tap the brakes, we simply say, “one thing at a time.” It’s a gentle reminder that even though it may feel like everything is piling up at once, the only way forward is to start with the first thing. One thing.
When the news brims over with events that weigh heavy on our minds — like two on-going wars, a troubled planet, and an eroding political climate the world over - it can be more than our nervous systems can happily handle. These global issues often cast a looming shadow over our personal lives, leaving us feeling helpless and disconnected from our power.
It’s easy to get so spun up in the outside world that a few mounting things on our to-do list or a couple lingering problems can put us in a heightened state of anxiety. Every little thought and worry has its own charge that steadily drains our energy. At times, we may not recognize the full scope of thoughts running through our emotional circuitry. We are affected, but don’t always see how or why. All we do know is that some days it all feels like too much.
Next time you feel anxiety creep in, grab your journal and try the “Sphere of Influence” method to get some clarity, free up some mental space, and let go of over-whelm.
Author Stephen R. Covey popularized a method known as the "Sphere of Influence," commonly utilized in coaching and therapy circles. This approach can recover a sense of control during overwhelming times. The “Sphere of Influence” not only reveals the number of things contributing to anxiety and worry, but can be helpful in discerning what is ours to take on and what lies beyond our control. It also differentiates the sphere of control, areas where we can act independently, and the sphere of influence, situations where we can impact the outcome- yet seeking support might be best.
Pause for a moment letting a slow depth of breath settle your mind and root you into your body. In a stream of consciousness, begin to write down all of the worries that are currently crowding your thoughts. It might be an upcoming credit card bill, some unexpected news about a loved one’s health, a change at your place of employment or whatever else competes for your attention.
Take a few moments to write it all down.
Then, deliberate on each. Categorized every “worry item” on your list as :
“I Can Control”
“I Can influence”
“Everything outside of my control or influence.”
Repeat this until you've categorized each worry on your list.
Draw three concentric circles (see above) and write each worry you’ve identified in the corresponding concentric circle.
Determining which category to use.
Sphere of Control: “What I can Control"
Things you can control or manage completely on your own. Do you have total control over this concern? Can you resolve it independently, without relying on anyone else? If so, place it within the first circle marked “What I can Control".
Examples of what is in your sphere of control:
Your self-care (Eating habits, Sleeping routines, Exercise, Hydration)
Your mind-set (Thoughts, Feelings, Perceptions, Judgements)
Who you surround yourself with ( Friends, Family, Community)
Your own behaviors (Boundary setting, What you say, How you act)
Sphere of Influence: “What I Can influence”
Things you can control or manage with the support of someone else. Your influence is partial—meaning you can take actions that may affect the outcome, but may need some help or support.
Examples of what is in your sphere of influence:
Any task, goal, or project that you may need assistance in accomplishing.
Any task, goal, or project you readily lend your action or support.
Everything outside of control and influence: “What I can’t control.”
Situations beyond your control or influence—matters where your actions cannot directly impact the outcome—write them outside the circles in the area designated "Everything else outside of your control and influence.”
Examples of what may be out of your control:
How Someone Thinks of You
How Someone Else Behaves
Mother Nature, Weather
Traffic
Cost of Living
Death and illnesses of Loved Ones
Politics, policy, and laws.
(* this could fall under the sphere of influence, if you are an engaged activist.)
War
Take action. Review your "Spheres of Influence."
For those things on your “worry list” within your control, write three actionable steps and take one step today, no matter how small. This will give you an instant sense of motivation and empowerment.
For items you can influence or partially control - outline steps you'll take, who you’ll reach out to for support and set a specific timeline.
Finally, if it's completely beyond your control or influence - physically cross off the item with the intention to let go of worry. Reclaim this precious mental real estate and free yourself of things you have no control over.
Realize you have the power to streamline focus and channel energy toward the things that have a real impact on who you are and what you want. This is the realm of true empowerment. This is how you make change and contribute to the world as a whole. By acknowledging a sphere of control and a sphere of influence, you reclaim agency in a time we’re led to believe we have none.
As we learn to discern the things that are beyond our control, there’s no inclination to spin the wheel of worry. We can’t change other people, make it stop raining, make gas cheaper, or cancel the Friday rush hour. However, we can spend a few minutes on the yoga mat, make a date with a good friend, and work to shift a critical thought. Letting go isn’t easy. It feels safer to believe we are in control of everything. Freedom, however, comes in the release.
